You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
