Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
