I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So squirting runs in the family.
Houston, we have a blender
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
