when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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