This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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