Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
