he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
