I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
