I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
