Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
