erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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