I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
