I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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