I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
