We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
