I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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