Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
