ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
