How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
