Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize