i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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