I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
