That's intense
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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