she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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