Whod you bang
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
