Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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