like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
