I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
