I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
