this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
