remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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