I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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