its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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