She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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