i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
