Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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