Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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