I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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