dude i'm inner monologue high
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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