Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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