How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
