somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
