How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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