: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
