how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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