I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
