I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
...so i touched it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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