from now on my penis is your penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
