where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
