U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
