Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
