There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
