I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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