I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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