(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize