I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
