i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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