Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
