You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
