He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
