she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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