shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just gift wrapped bread.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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