dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Randomize
