I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
