She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When are your genitals available?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
