We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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