okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
