I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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