Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
